minchy wrote:Something I just shamelessly stole from Facebook (mainly aimed at Saz):
After every flight, QANTAS pilots fill out a form, known as a 'gripe sheet' to tell mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics fix the problem, and then document their repairs on the form.
Here are some actual maintenance problems submitted by the pilots (marked with a 'P') and the solutions recorded (marked by an 'S') by maintenance engineers, who by the way have a sense of humour:
P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Left inside main tyre almost replaced.
P: Test flight OK, auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back order.
P: Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Can't reproduce problem on the ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspect crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed in cockpit.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget. —
This one has been around for a while & I have always loved it. I once sent it to my middle brother, who started as a ground engineer at Qantas when he was 16 & ended up in management before he retired 2 years ago at 63, & asked him if this could be true but I never got an answer. Having had & still have quite a few Qantas pilots in my family I can't see them accepting these answers as just being witty & funny as they take any faults found very seriously, as they should, so I expect it's not true. Maybe Banana Man, who is the only member of this forum that I know is a pilot, could give us his opinion