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Police were called to a Manchester man dead on his kitchen table wearing nothing but a pair of stockings and suspenders?

His mates actually found him in a QPR Kit but they changed him out of it because they didn't want the family to be embarrassed.

Two Portsmouth fans were walking through Southsea when they came accross a sex shop with a sign in the window says, "For sale, 2 Pompey season tickets, £50 each".

One of them says, "hey that's a bargain, you go in there and buy them, I'll stand here and keep watch so nobody sees us coming out a sex shop together."

The second guy goes into the shop and comes out 20 minutes later carrying a bag. The first guy looks inside and there is a pair of pink furry handcuffs, a massive vibrator and a tub of anal lube. He says to the other guy, "WTF?! I told you to go and get the tickets and you bought all this stuff?!"

The second guy says, "Look I kept trying to get them but in the end I was just too embarassed to ask."

I've got a joke. Liverpool FC.

Willthepessimist wrote:I've got a joke. Liverpool FC.

Willthepessimist wrote:I've got a joke. Liverpool FC.

how many liverpool fans does it take to change a light bulb?

zero, they just sit around in the dark and talk about how good the old one used to be

vikz22 wrote:

Willthepessimist wrote:I've got a joke. Liverpool FC.

how many liverpool fans does it take to change a light bulb?

zero, they just sit around in the dark and talk about how good the old one used to be

I'm surprised about that Suarez goal to be honest. Chelsea are really good at defending racists


(P.S. Meant as a joke, nothing serious)

fatboy72 wrote:

vikz22 wrote:

Willthepessimist wrote:I've got a joke. Liverpool FC.

how many liverpool fans does it take to change a light bulb?

zero, they just sit around in the dark and talk about how good the old one used to be

F it .. make all the jokes you want about racism.

Poker wrote:

RunningMan wrote:I'm surprised about that Suarez goal to be honest. Chelsea are really good at defending racists


(P.S. Meant as a joke, nothing serious)

I don't find it funny in the least.

Please remove it.

How precious of you.

I thought Chelsea deserved to nick all three points, Mata had a great chance to lay it off at the end of the first half. Alas, another Manchester title this season.

Poker wrote:

RunningMan wrote:I'm surprised about that Suarez goal to be honest. Chelsea are really good at defending racists


(P.S. Meant as a joke, nothing serious)

I don't find it funny in the least.

Please remove it.

Everyone else finds it funny. I'm guessing you're bitter about losing to a side like Liverpool? The amount of times you kept going forward and you couldn't penetrate their defence astounds me!
With the amount of money and quality players in your team, you should be beating teams like Liverpool...
Oh and grow up.

Yeah we should have been able to close the game yesterday.. Seems to be a problem these days.
I just hope JT isn't that badly hurt.

Why wasn't Jesus born in Liverpool?

They couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin.

Banana Man wrote:Why wasn't Jesus born in Liverpool?

They couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin.

.

What do you say to a scouser with a job? Big mac please.

RunningMan wrote:

Banana Man wrote:Why wasn't Jesus born in Liverpool?

They couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin.

Unlucky for us in the C1 cup... The kids did they're best IMHO...

Poker wrote:.

Top joke Poker.

Ibrahimovic is an absolute legend. That bicycle kick was magnificent, I don't want to take it away from him but Joe Hart was a bit stupid there... Overall impressed with England, we were more attacking, it's just Joe Hart that let us down a bit.

Well done Ibra!!

Willthepessimist wrote:Ibrahimovic is an absolute legend. That bicycle kick was magnificent, I don't want to take it away from him but Joe Hart was a bit stupid there... Overall impressed with England, we were more attacking, it's just Joe Hart that let us down a bit.

Well done Ibra!!

That goal - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EQhuE3b_ ... e=youtu.be

There it was, the big revenge of Euro 2012. and last week we had 4 - 4 against the best team in the world. This only show our class

Willthepessimist wrote:Ibrahimovic is an absolute legend. That bicycle kick was magnificent, I don't want to take it away from him but Joe Hart was a bit stupid there... Overall impressed with England, we were more attacking, it's just Joe Hart that let us down a bit.

Well done Ibra!!

ibra show!

Hart didn't have the best game, but the kid Sterling looks very good!

don't get used to it, we wont see you at the world cup

A meaningless friendly against England B isn't really revenge for much.

Don't get me wrong, I couldn't give a flying f**k either way about the overrated, racist, granny-sh*gging, violent, egotistical w*nkers who play for England, I'm just saying it doesn't mean much.

Willthepessimist wrote:Ibrahimovic is an absolute legend. That bicycle kick was magnificent, I don't want to take it away from him but Joe Hart was a bit stupid there... Overall impressed with England, we were more attacking, it's just Joe Hart that let us down a bit.

Well done Ibra!!

I was there. Yay!

Was a quality goal! I fist pumped the air.

Thought England were much improved with passing, two quality goals scored. Just lacked a little bit of something at some points but can't put my finger on it.. Ah! A striker..

nexus wrote:

Willthepessimist wrote:Ibrahimovic is an absolute legend. That bicycle kick was magnificent, I don't want to take it away from him but Joe Hart was a bit stupid there... Overall impressed with England, we were more attacking, it's just Joe Hart that let us down a bit.

Well done Ibra!!

That goal - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EQhuE3b_ ... e=youtu.be

oh my.... what a goal !

there goes our ex '9' ...! amazing!

Scotland won, but I'd rather be an England team losing a friendly and doing good in the Qualifiers, than Scotland, who are just getting worse. Levein justifying the points total by the place in the table was funny, given it was after our easy games, and we were just likely to go into freefall.

I remember when I was a kid and we qualified for stuff. We even got to put up a decent fight against Brazil in 1998 when they were one of the fienst teams on the planet. Now, it's just depressing.

mac_d wrote:Scotland won, but I'd rather be an England team losing a friendly and doing good in the Qualifiers, than Scotland, who are just getting worse. Levein justifying the points total by the place in the table was funny, given it was after our easy games, and we were just likely to go into freefall.

I remember when I was a kid and we qualified for stuff. We even got to put up a decent fight against Brazil in 1998 when they were one of the fienst teams on the planet. Now, it's just depressing.

It's not all bad. After all Scotland has the most watched fourth division in the world in terms of average attendance at matches

Exactly...at least 25 people turned out for Clachnacudden against Lossiemouth!

I'm a Highland boy, and I know from experience that Scottish football is nowhere compared to the English system, and England's is nowhere compared to Spain's...so there's a heck of a long way to go.

That match against Brazil in 1998 seems like an age ago, and since Alex McLeish left the national team has been a joke, worse even than my 3rd team - Slovenia (long story). Was hoping they might make it to Brazil 2014 but that's now looking unlikely...

5-2 arsenal V Spurs

domination!

having Adebayor sent off didn't help!

We neeeeeed a striker!! Please dear football god, get us Falcao in january!

Mr-E wrote:We neeeeeed a striker!! Please dear football god, get us Falcao in january!

You can have Fellaini. He's not a striker, but can score goals. Very arrogant, cocky and too inconsistent, he thinks he's the best footballer in the world and when he loses the ball kicks out at the player or ref. £30 million will do, his ego should fit in with Torres, Hazard, Cole etc.

On another note throwing away a 1-0 win is brilliant, Arsenal can have 4th, it's not like we need the money....

*huffs* well... Frak it... Roll on next week and cr*ppy QPR... Though we'll probably p*ss that game away as well...

Mr-E wrote:We neeeeeed a striker!! Please dear football god, get us Falcao in january!

Never mind god, I'm just praying to Roman!

Maybe we can quietly sweep Torres off to Atletico...and someone will make a daft bid for Studge. He'd be a great player if he could fit his head out of the tunnel...

To be fair, as soon as I saw the lineup today I cringed. 'Resting' Mata and Oscar against a club 5th in the league on merit...it wasn't like we were playing QPR!

Wooohooo!!

vikz22 wrote:

Willthepessimist wrote:I've got a joke. Liverpool FC.

how many liverpool fans does it take to change a light bulb?

zero, they just sit around in the dark and talk about how good the old one used to be

So...will it be Torres or Sturridge up front tonight? ...Or Hazard?

Chelsea really did screw up putting all our eggs in a Torres shaped basket over the summer. Mind you, we were closest to signing Hulk, who seems to have done the sum total of diddly squat since moving, so not all bad.

Should be a bit of a bruiser tonight anyway, hopefully the town will be blue this evening...