Headlines you won't read in 2013

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schumi7
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Headlines you won't read in 2013

Post by schumi7 »

Came across this on OffOnF1, made me chuckle.

✺ KIMI LAMENTS LACK OF RADIO CONTACT

» "Tell me what I'm supposed to be doing!" yells Finn

✺ BERNIE TO GO ON OPRAH WINFREY

» Ecclestone says if Lance can do it, so can I

✺ LAUDA AND STEWART SAY "NO COMMENT"

» Ex champs' refuse to give opinions in 2013

✺ PIRELLI TYRES TOO PREDICTABLE SAY TEAMS

✺ *"IT'S FELIPE'S TURN" *

» Alonso backs Massa title bid in Australia

✺ "MY CAR IS PERFECTLY BALANCED!"

» Jenson says every change he made before qualifying made the car go quicker

✺ MONTEZEMOLO WANTED V6 TURBOS A YEAR EARLIER

» "I love tiny turbo-charged engines" Ferrari chief waxes lyrical

✺ MARK WILL BE NEXT RED BULL CHAMP : MARKO

» Helmut admits he was wrong

✺ BRAZIL GRAND PRIX IS GROSJEAN'S FIRST DNF OF 2013

» 'Mr Consistency' finally retires from a race

✺ VETTEL LAID BACK ABOUT RED BULL UNRELIABILITY

» "I laugh when I hear playbacks of me yelling 'Do something!' on team radio" admits Seb

✺ MOVING TO MERC WAS MY BEST EVER DECISION : HAMILTON

✺ AUTOSPORT EYES NEW HEADLINE VERB FOR PREVIEWS

✺ MALDONADO ADMITS "IT WAS ALL MY FAULT"

» Williams driver asks for 27 other events to be taken into account

✺ SERGIO TOO PATIENT FOR HIS OWN GOOD: SAYS WHITMARSH

✺ FERRARI SIGN UP ALGUERSUARI TO CORNER SPANISH DRIVER MARKET

» Alonso, Gene and de la Rosa welcome Jaime aboard

✺ SANTANDER ASK MASSA TO CHANGE NATIONALITY

» Along with Roberto Smedley-Rivera and Stefano Domenicali-Lopez

via: OffOnF1
http://offonf1.com/motorsport/news/headlines_you_won_t_read_in_2013_512806/13-01-19


Has anyone got any other headlines we won't see in 2013?
米克尔 科琳娜 吉娜 米克
Keep Fighting Michael!


Ciao Jules

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Toby.
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Re: Headlines you won't read in 2013

Post by Toby. »

A few of them weren't totally unbelievable.
Image

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schumi7
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Re: Headlines you won't read in 2013

Post by schumi7 »

Toby. wrote:A few of them weren't totally unbelievable.

Yeah the Hamilton one's a bit controversial, but most of them made me laugh.
米克尔 科琳娜 吉娜 米克
Keep Fighting Michael!


Ciao Jules

A2jdl
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Re: Headlines you won't read in 2013

Post by A2jdl »

v good :lol:

j man
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Re: Headlines you won't read in 2013

Post by j man »

Haha love the Lauda and Stewart one!

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Juggles
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Re: Headlines you won't read in 2013

Post by Juggles »

'Heidfeld thrilled with podium finish'
The fight is won or lost far away from witnesses - behind the lines, in the gym, and out there on the road, long before I dance under those lights

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joshb
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Re: Headlines you won't read in 2013

Post by joshb »

Vettel: Cucumbers the key to success

Sebastian Vettel admits the key to his perfect 10 wins at the start of the season is a diet of cucumbers before each race.


Villeneuve- Modern drivers have it tough

On the eve of the Canadian GP, Jacques Villeneuve admits modern F1 hopefuls have it tough to provide enough funding for seats in the junior ranks.


Alonso- Ferrari F2013 is 'best ever'

After the Ferraris topped the qualifying standings by 1.5 seconds, Fernando Alonso admits the car is the best car he's ever driven and the mechanics should be told
not to come in to work for a month.


Webber- KERS made the difference

Mark Webber admitted having KERS was the reason why he pipped teammate Sebastian Vettel, whose unit failed, to pole position

Chilton- Disapointed with 2nd

Marussia's Max Chilton admitted he was annoyed to finish just 5 seconds behind race winner Sebastian Vettel, stating that he'd hoped for more before the race.
In India, he won it 4 times :)
"I was racing, I was faster, I passed him, I WON!"
Those that can, do
Those that can't, boo

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09/10/11 Double
25/11/12 Treble
27/10/13 Quadruple

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r41
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Re: Headlines you won't read in 2013

Post by r41 »

joshb wrote:Webber- KERS made the difference

Mark Webber admitted having KERS was the reason why he pipped teammate Sebastian Vettel, whose unit failed, to pole position



:lol: :lol: :lol:

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dizlexik
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Re: Headlines you won't read in 2013

Post by dizlexik »

PIRELLI TYRES TOO PREDICTABLE SAY TEAMS


I can see this happening :o
eeee

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Gaz
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Re: Headlines you won't read in 2013

Post by Gaz »

joshb wrote:
Webber- KERS made the difference

Mark Webber admitted having KERS was the reason why he pipped teammate Sebastian Vettel, whose unit failed, to pole position


Surely that's not too shocking, it did happen in Spain 2011 after all :-P
Image

RaisinChips
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Re: Headlines you won't read in 2013

Post by RaisinChips »

"Fernando Alonso says he would support Felipe Massa F1 title bid"

http://www.autosport.com/news/report.php/id/105186

Oops.. An actual headline.
Image

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Johnston
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Re: Headlines you won't read in 2013

Post by Johnston »

Mercedes Easiest on tyres.
Disclaimer: The above post maybe tongue in cheek.

"I thought I'd get your theories, mock them, then embrace my own. The usual."

A2jdl
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Re: Headlines you won't read in 2013

Post by A2jdl »

Vettel wins the first race of the year ! And doesn't do the finger pointing the everyone loves so much !

sandyf1
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Re: Headlines you won't read in 2013

Post by sandyf1 »

RED BULL SACK NEWEY!!

RaggedMan
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Re: Headlines you won't read in 2013

Post by RaggedMan »

Alonso breaks the seal on his own gearbox.
The Spainard said he felt bad after pipping his team mate to the pole in Australia, and wants to support Massa's bid for the title any way he can right from the start.
{Insert clever sig line here}

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Sevenfest
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Re: Headlines you won't read in 2013

Post by Sevenfest »

HAMILTON REVEALS REAL REASON BEHIND COMMUNICATION BREAKDOWN AT MCLAREN

Lewis reveals that communication broke down at Mclaren around the time he tried to instigate a 'three-way' with team-mate Jenson Button. "He thought I meant with Whitmarsh", Lewis explained.

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Laura23
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Re: Headlines you won't read in 2013

Post by Laura23 »

Whitmarsh: The People's Team Principle.

Force India Announce ---- As Second Driver At First Test

Ron Dennis: "S'up ma homie"

Lewis Hamilton: "Twitter has been a success"

Jenson Button: "It's so grippy"

Timo Glock WINS
1994 1995 2000 2001 2002 2003 2004 Get well soon Schumi.

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Sevenfest
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Re: Headlines you won't read in 2013

Post by Sevenfest »

Sebastian Vettel: "It's Marks turn"

Dietrich Mateschitz: "Great to see our drivers beat Red Bull"

Ron Dennis: "Mclaren Woking HQ 'not a doom base'"

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minchy
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Re: Headlines you won't read in 2013

Post by minchy »

Bubbles becomes first non-human to be awarded super license.
In a bid to save money, Force India, employ the services of Michael Jackson's old pet as test driver. But have stated his driving style is too passive for professional racing.

(or is that too unbelievable?)
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of animals that Chuck Norris allows to live.

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chican
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Re: Headlines you won't read in 2013

Post by chican »

Ferrari hires Newey.

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dizlexik
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Re: Headlines you won't read in 2013

Post by dizlexik »

RaisinChips wrote:"Fernando Alonso says he would support Felipe Massa F1 title bid"

http://www.autosport.com/news/report.php/id/105186

Oops.. An actual headline.

:thumbup: :thumbup:
eeee

Eva09
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Re: Headlines you won't read in 2013

Post by Eva09 »

✺ KIMI DRIVES UP ESCAPE ROAD SUCCESSFULLY FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE 2001

Eva09
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Re: Headlines you won't read in 2013

Post by Eva09 »

r41 wrote:
joshb wrote:Webber- KERS made the difference

Mark Webber admitted having KERS was the reason why he pipped teammate Sebastian Vettel, whose unit failed, to pole position



:lol: :lol: :lol:


:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

✺ KIMI DRIVES UP ESCAPE ROAD ONLY TO FIND GATE BLOCKED BY A STALLED GROSJEAN

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beyamei
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Re: Headlines you won't read in 2013

Post by beyamei »

✺ MOVING TO MERC WAS MY BEST EVER DECISION : HAMILTON


I can actually see this happening.


✺ ALONSO PRAISES F2013
Alonso says his car is faster than Sebastian's.

✺ SEBASTIAN VETTEL WINS IN GERMANY!
For the first time in his Formula 1 career, the german wins in his home country.
(Ok, maybe this one isn't so impossible)
VettelRaikkonenNasr

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Johnston
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Re: Headlines you won't read in 2013

Post by Johnston »

After todays Toto rumours.

Mercedes to sell F1 team and Back Williams as works entry.

On hearing the News Lewis tweets "WTF!!!!!"
Disclaimer: The above post maybe tongue in cheek.

"I thought I'd get your theories, mock them, then embrace my own. The usual."

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metamorphomisk
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Re: Headlines you won't read in 2013

Post by metamorphomisk »

Artyon Senna: Back from the Dead!
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SilverstoneRegular
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Re: Headlines you won't read in 2013

Post by SilverstoneRegular »

metamorphomisk wrote:Artyon Senna: Back from the Dead!


So bad taste!
Multi 21 or Catch 22?!

It ain't hating just 'cause it's not love

BrazilLastCorner2008
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Re: Headlines you won't read in 2013

Post by BrazilLastCorner2008 »

metamorphomisk wrote:Artyon Senna: Back from the Dead!


:? :?
2008
2014
2015
2017
2018
2019


Keep Fighting Michael

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schumi7
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Re: Headlines you won't read in 2013

Post by schumi7 »

metamorphomisk wrote:Artyon Senna: Back from the Dead!

:?
A bit too much black humour for me there.
米克尔 科琳娜 吉娜 米克
Keep Fighting Michael!


Ciao Jules

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Laura23
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Re: Headlines you won't read in 2013

Post by Laura23 »

Laura23 wrote:
Timo Glock WINS


:smug:


When it comes to F1 headlines anyway!
1994 1995 2000 2001 2002 2003 2004 Get well soon Schumi.

No one call anyone a moo-pickle...

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schumi7
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Re: Headlines you won't read in 2013

Post by schumi7 »

Laura23 wrote:
Laura23 wrote:
Timo Glock WINS


:smug:


When it comes to F1 headlines anyway!

Hahahahaha spot on!
米克尔 科琳娜 吉娜 米克
Keep Fighting Michael!


Ciao Jules

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Jo_
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Re: Headlines you won't read in 2013

Post by Jo_ »

di Resta Thrilled

Team Forgoes Championship Challenge to Honour Spirit of the Rules

Michael Schumacher to Make Comeback
Twitter @Jo_Soucek

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Re: Headlines you won't read in 2013

Post by WiredKiwi »

Gaz wrote:
joshb wrote:
Webber- KERS made the difference

Mark Webber admitted having KERS was the reason why he pipped teammate Sebastian Vettel, whose unit failed, to pole position


Surely that's not too shocking, it did happen in Spain 2011 after all :-P


Errr, see the bold text (emphasis mine) :-P
Tous Avec Jules #17

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Re: Headlines you won't read in 2013

Post by WiredKiwi »

And some more:

Räikkönen launches tell-all autobiography

McLaren confirm Button has #1 status

Hamilton disappointed not to replace Massa at Ferrari

Alonso disappointed Hamilton not at Ferrari

Vettel admits Webber drove better

Webber admits Vettel drove better
Tous Avec Jules #17

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Re: Headlines you won't read in 2013

Post by specdecible »

VETTEL MOVES TO CATERHAM
- Vettel says "winning from the front is too easy"

DI RESTA MAKES A FUNNY
- Scott Paul Di Resta shows some personality when he gave the press conference a well timed knock knock joke

"THERE WILL BE NO MORE PARTYING FOR ME"
- Kimi Raikkonen has given up the booze to focus completely on his racing career

HRT RETURNS
- F1 Team HRT returns to the F1 scene after finding extra funding "It was hidden under a mattress"

F1 SEX SCANDAL
- New reports emerging of F1 Driver Lewis Hamilton having a sleep over with new team mate Nico Rosberg, Hamilton before the media defended his actions by stating "Well he's the closest one who looks like a girl in the paddock"

MAX CHILTON RETIRES
- Chilton says hes achieved everything he wanted to in the sport

NO SECOND DRIVER AT FORCE INDIA
- Team boss Vijay Mallaya has revealed why its taken so long to reveal the second seat, "I was going to find someone, but the Big Bang Theory was on then I had to get some milk at the Delhi"

WEBBER PLEASED WITH RELIABILITY
- The Australian has finished the season with absolutely nothing breaking on his car.

BUTTON CONFUSED
- The McLaren driver went to Dublin instead of Melbourne for the opening round of the F1 season. Martin Whitmarsh found the funny side however, "It's just like that China pitstop from 2011 again"

ALONSO HAS NO NEW LOOK
- Fernando Alonso has promised not to change his facial hair or hair cut at any point during the season

PEREZ REGRETFUL
- Perez has regretted his move to McLaren with some critical comments to the team, "The car is fairy cakes" and "Why must I drive it in reverse?" among the most revealing.

NEWEY TAKES VERGNES SEAT
- Red Bull techincal director has decided to race in Vergnes Torro Rosso to get a better understanding of the Pirelli tyres.

RICCARDO vs GROSJEAN HEATING UP
- F1 Drivers Riccardo and Grosjean are neck and neck in the standings for cheesiest smile, with Grosjean slightly ahead with a longer neck.

BRUNDLE REVOLUTIONISES F1
- Commentator Martin Brundle has decided to commentate the F1 season in the style of interpretive dance.

SOUTH AFRICAN GRAND PRIX
- Bernie Eccelstone has signed a new contract to hold a race in South Africa, "I'm sure we can replace one of the Middle East races, it's not like we need the money"

MASSA WILLING TO GIVE ALL FOR FERRARI SUCCESS
- Felipe Massa has literally given his right arm to help his team mate Fernando Alonso, team bosses are not convinced of the effectiveness but are praising Massa's commitment, "I would have stopped when I hit the bone, but kudos to him as he just kept on going" says Christian Horner

THE DRIVERS ARE IMPORTANT
- Team Boss Frank Williams has revealed in a close and personal interview that the drivers are the ones that really matter in a team.

SAUBER FORGET CRITICAL COMPONENT
- The Sauber team has confirmed that they forgot to add an accelerator pedal to the car, Sauber's Technical Director says "Well we were trying to save weight and overlooked the importance of this feature"
Danger is real, fear is choice.
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Jo_
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Re: Headlines you won't read in 2013

Post by Jo_ »

:lol: Awesome, specdecible :thumbup:
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Re: Headlines you won't read in 2013

Post by RebellionLola »

Di Resta looks excited

Incident between maldonado and grosjean, no further action
Ask no questions, hear no lies

dabi
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Re: Headlines you won't read in 2013

Post by dabi »

My stomach hurts from all the laughter :lol: :lol:

Some really good ones in there!
And they say men cant multi task.. haa, ask a formula 1 driver! :)

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ManicOversteer
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Re: Headlines you won't read in 2013

Post by ManicOversteer »

One I did last week, waiting on a topic to stick it in!

January: - Negotiations with the Nurburgring fall through and Bernie enters discussions with himself to hold a Grand Prix in his back garden.
- A leaked picture of Caterhams new car is even uglier than the last one and everyone begs for the return of the stepped noses.

February: - Mark Webber makes a surprise appearance at the STR launch answering to the name Daniel. Red Bull make the most suspicious driver swap in history.
- New third driver Kamui Kobayashi drives his road car into Romain Grosjeans brand new Lotus at the teams launch. A stewards enquiry drops the Frenchman ten places on the Australian grid.

March: - Jenson Button dominates the Australian Grand Prix with Perez finishing second. Alonso and Vettel collide and Hamilton finishes in ninth.
- A carbon copy of Malaysia 2012 as Hulkenberg chases down Massa. Daniel Riccia... Sorry I mean "Webber" finishes third for RBR.

April: - Raikkonen to Mclaren rumours kick off again after photos emerge of Kimi looking at a picture of his 2005 car.
- Paul Di Resta takes his first career podium in Bahrain and celebrates by moaning that he didn't win. He is replaced by Bianchi for the following race.

May: - Valterri Bottas loses the Spanish Grand Prix on the final lap due to a faulty Renault alternator. The conspiracy theories begin.
- Esteban Guittierez starts the biggest pile up of the season at the start of the Monaco Grand Prix. Charles Pic records his first podium.

June: - Guitterez serves a one race ban in Montreal handing his Sauber to Giancarlo Fisichella. The Italian crosses the line second behind Perez.
- The British Grand Prix plays host to the last podium interview section as Nigel Mansell talks for far too long about his own achievements sending Vettel, Button and Perez to sleep.

July: - Martin Whitmarsh and Christian Horner come to blows over the latest FIA ruling banning controversial seatbelts on the Red Bull. Mclaren had complained that the seatbelts gave Vettel half a seconds advantage.
- The Bernies Back Garden Grand Prix is held under repeated safety cars for rioting neighbours and perillous falling gnomes.

August: - Jacques Villeneuve buys himself a Marussia seat alonside Chilton. Despite driving for one race because he qualifies three seconds off his teammate, he still claims it was harder in his day.
- Lewis Hamilton tweets the Mercedes teams lunch menu during Spa Qualifying and is seen exchanging harsh words with Ross Brawn. Before the race he eats lunch in the Sauber garage.

September: - The Williams team suffer a double retirement in Monza. Bruno Senna claims he would've scored double their points this year. Rubens Barrichello claims he would have done four times better.
- Grosjean wins the Singapore Grand Prix with team mate Raikkonen in P2. When asked if he had any congratulations for Romain, Kimi replies "Yeah, next time let me win."

October: - Alonso falls out of the title running and explains to the press that they were correct about preferential treatment scandals in the team. They were biased towards Massa from day one in 2010.
- After a season of disappointments in the Force India, Adrian Sutil is sacked and replaced by Vijay Mallya himself for the Indian Grand Prix. The team leader takes P23 ten laps down, yet still ahead of Karthikeyan in the Marussia.

November: - Massa falls out of contention leaving Button, Raikkonen and Vettel fighting for the championship.
- In the last race Vettel is taken out on the last corner by "Ricciardo" in the STR driving his final grand prix. This hands the crown to Button on countback.

December: - Ferrari consider appealing the Brazilian Grand Prix on the grounds that Luca Di Montezemelo considers Vettel a better driver than Button. The appeal fails instantly.
- Nico Rosberg seeks out driver coaching to tackle his invisible season. Unfortunately Mercedes suggest coaching from a former driver named Michael.
Vettel Perez Ricciardo Sainz Leclerc

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Re: Headlines you won't read in 2013

Post by Haribo »

"Sir Jacky Stewart has nothing to say"

"Bernie Ecelstone admits birbery and retires"

"Martin Whitmarsh fires himself after being 5 in WCC standings"

"Mark Webber wins WDC "
"Everything you can imagine is real." Pablo Picasso

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